


I won't come back to you broken

by DecemberCamie



Series: HxH and Dæmons [2]
Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Angst, Daemons, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 08:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17977850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecemberCamie/pseuds/DecemberCamie
Summary: There are two types of dæmons—those that are exactly like their humans, and those that aren’t.





	I won't come back to you broken

**Author's Note:**

> HunterxHunter with dæmons, focusing on Gon and his life back on Whale Island after the Election Arc.

There are two types of dæmons—those that are exactly like their humans, and those that aren’t.

 

**-o0o-**

 

Aunt Mito’s dæmon is a lot like her. He’s proud and fierce, caring and gentle. He struts around the house as he shadows her footsteps, pecks holes in Gon’s homework for every wrong answer and red ‘X’ Aunt Mito leaves. Sometimes he even rides on Gon’s shoulder, or in the spikes of Gon’s wild hair.

Normally those spots are occupied by Jax. But Jax doesn’t spend as much time with Gon as he used to.

Mito asks him one night, when she’s doing the dishes and he’s trying—(failing)—to fold the laundry, “Where’s Jax? I haven’t seen him all day.”

Gon shrugs. Today was a nice day. Sunny and breezy and full of life. Gon and Jax used to explore Whale Island on days like this. They even did it with Killua and Ariney, once upon a time. Gon and Jax hadn’t done much exploring since they’d come home, though.

“I think he’s upstairs,” Gon says as he awkwardly finishes folding a long t-shirt. He always has trouble with those, the sleeves are too long and they never fall neatly for him like they do for Aunt Mito.

He sees Aunt Mito turn to look at him out of the corner of his eye. “You _think_ he’s upstairs?”

“Yeah, I think.”

Everyone can feel where their dæmons are, what they’re generally thinking or feeling. It’s not a secret. And Gon can feel Jax upstairs _somewhere_ , but he doesn’t need to be with him to know just what his dæmon is doing.

Jax does the same thing, every day, all day. Gon wonders what that says about his inner state of mind, sometimes.

Mito turns back to the dishes but Ravi hops up onto the table in a flurry of red and gold feathers. He leans over to Gon and gently runs his beak through Gon’s hair. Gon gets a tiny flash of Aunt Mito’s soul—her worry, her love, her respect for Gon and his space. She’s a better mom than he ever deserved.

“Should I go talk to him?” Ravi asks and Gon shakes his head.

“No. He’s fine. I’ll find him after I finish this.” He picks up another piece of clothing—pants this time, _much_ easier to fold—and ignores the look Ravi and Aunt Mito share.

“...okay,” Aunt Mito finally says. “If either of you need anything, just...let us know.”

Gon nods and a warm night breeze flows in through the open window above the kitchen sink. The air smells like salt and ocean and a hint of future rain. It smells like home and childhood and happy memories. Gon should be happy here, surrounded by everything that is familiar and good. Jax should be happy.

But they’re not. And Aunt Mito and Ravi know them well enough to understand why.

 

**-o0o-**

 

Gon’s dæmon used to be like him.

Well, Jax still is a lot like Gon. They’re human and soul, after all. But _neither_ of them are really like how they used to be. Dying and coming back to life and saying goodbye to your best friend for maybe forever does that to a person.

 

**-o0o-**

 

Jax spends most of his time these days sitting on the front steps, or on the roof, or staring out the window. It’s like he’s waiting for something—or someone. Gon knows who it is, but he also knows they won’t come back anytime soon.

(It hasn’t even been a year since the World Tree. And it’ll take longer than eight months to grow apart from each other.)

That doesn’t seem to stop Jax from waiting anyway, though. The dæmon used to be full of energy, zapping around from place to place, half the time leading Gon forward instead of Gon leading him. Now he mostly sits and stares out at the dirt road leading to Aunt Mito’s house.

But if it’s nighttime, he looks up at the stars.

“Aunt Mito and Ravi are worried about you,” Gon says to his dæmon as he climbs out onto the roof. He’s finished folding laundry and found Jax just like he said he would.

It wasn’t hard to find him, anyway. Jax likes sitting on the roof, the view of the sky is better out here.

Jax doesn’t turn to look at him when Gon sits next to him. He just says, “They’re worried about you, too.”

Gon frowns. He guesses that must be true. Aunt Mito and Ravi love Gon and Jax both. “Maybe. But I’m not the one sitting outside and moping all the time.”

Jax huffs. “If I didn’t, then _you_ would.”

Gon can’t argue with that. Mostly because Jax is right, but also because it’s almost impossible to argue with someone who knows him inside and out. Jax knows him best. The only other person who knows him as well is Killua.

But Killua’s not here. All Gon has is his own dæmon, and a collection of fuzzy memories of soft white hair and bright blue eyes, of patterned fur and a tail swishing through the air.

Gon reaches out to touch Jax—to ease the png in his heart. The wolverine lets him, tilting his head back just enough for his fur to rub against the palm of Gon’s hand. It’s comforting to pet Jax like this and run his fingers down his neck and the curve of his back. To feel the slight buzz under his fingertips and flickers of warmth through their connected minds. It’s easier to hear and feel Jax when they’re connected physically, but Gon doesn’t need to touch his dæmon to know what he’s thinking.

He and Jax are one in the same, body and soul. And Jax doesn’t miss—crave, _want_ —Killua and Ariney any more than Gon does. He just happens to be more transparent about it.

 

**-o0o-**

 

They accidentally leave the window open that night. They didn’t know a storm was coming until it is already here and sweeping through the Island in rolling black clouds and pelting rain.

Gon wakes to the high pitched squeak of Jax’s panic, and the loud rumble of thunder. The bottom of his bed sheets are soaked through and the two of them have to scramble to push the bed to the opposite side of the room and away from the window. Gon pulls off his covers and runs downstairs to get dry ones while Jax finds some towels to mop up the floor.

The last thing Gon does before trying to sleep again is close the window. It feels like a betrayal, somehow, especially with how lighting splits the charcoal sky in half a mere second later. He can’t sleep, even after returning to his dry bed. Jax is staring out the window with a longing that is palpable, and Gon knows why.

The lightning reminds them of Killua. Of Ariney. Of brilliant light and an electric presence they can’t find anywhere else.

 

**-o0o-**

 

Killua’s dæmon...is a lot like him. But also not.

Killua is cold and calculating and sarcastic at the worst of times. Ariney is curious and excitable and much more daring—but that’s Killua’s inner desires and hidden personality shining through his dæmon.

Killua and Ariney never used to be together. Gon thought that was strange, even back when he and Jax first met them in a dark, indefinite tunnel in the first phase of the Hunter Exam. He didn’t know about things like _Separation_ , back then, but it didn’t really matter. Their distance only showed to Gon that Killua and Ariney were anything but normal, and knowing that was _exciting_. Gon always loved danger, and Jax always loved the thrill that came with it.

But time passed. Gon and Jax grew and learned, though maybe they should have learned more. By the time the Ants came, Killua and Ariney stuck together like normal humans and their dæmons should. It was a sign of their confidence and acceptance of each other, Gon has always thought. Then one day Ariney turned into a cheetah, and never changed back.

(Killua never told Gon how or when exactly that happened. Gon wishes he’d paid enough attention that he wouldn’t have to ask.)

Gon knows when Jax turned and stayed a wolverine, and he knows Killua and Ariney are smart enough to know, too. The Ants changed them all, left scars both invisible and not. Gon can’t unsee Kite’s detached arm flying through the air, and Killua can’t unsee Gon turning older and more powerful beyond his years. But all that really matters is that both Ariney and Jax had Settled by the time the Extermination was over, proving that both Killua and Gon had changed internally, too.

It’s like they switched places: now Gon and Jax are the ones who spend all their time apart, while Killua and Ariney travel the world together with their sisters and dæmon.

And now, after their resurrection, Jax had gained freedom to travel from Gon. It was enough to put distance between them, for Jax to disappear for hours on end and Gon only feeling the slightest flicker of uncomfort. But it wasn’t enough freedom for Jax to leave Gon like Ariney could leave Killua, though. If that were the case, Gon knows Jax would be with Killua right this second.

And Gon wouldn’t blame him.

 

**-o0o-**

 

“What happened to your bedsheets?” Aunt Mito asks over breakfast the next day. The sun is a decent way through the sky, and it’s late for them to be eating only now.

But Gon doesn’t wake up as early as he used to, anymore. And Jax is usually sitting on the front stoop by the time Gon’s eyes finally crack open. Ravi’s not here either, so he must be with Jax—the front step by the door isn’t too far from the kitchen for him to travel from Aunt Mito, anyway.

Gon picks at the eggs on his plate. His eyes burn from lack of sleep. “We left the window open last night by accident. The rain made all our bed sheets wet.”

Aunt Mito shakes her head. “You have to be careful, Gon. You’re not four years old anymore”

“I know…” Gon pauses, something striking a cord with him, then looks up. “We used to leave the window open when we were younger?”

Aunt Mito nods as she scrapes the last of her breakfast off the plate. “All the time.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Well, you two stopped eventually.”

Gon’s heart throbs for a reason he can’t name. “Why? What changed?” Because Gon and Jax never changed, not without good reason. They knew that about themselves now.

This time it’s Aunt Mito’s turn to pause. “Hm. I think...yes, it was right after you met Kite and Evacsa.” She smiles at Gon softly. “I think maybe you were looking out the window all that time waiting for something. Kite and his dæmon gave you a purpose—to find Ging and Katyin.”

Gon looks back down at the table, his eyes prickling. He feels a distant flicker of worry from Jax but ignores him. He himself doesn’t understand why he feels like crying, how would Jax know?

A warm, gentle hand sweeps through his hair before cupping his jaw and forcing him to look up. He’s greeted with Aunt Mito’s kind brown eyes.

“It’ll all work out, Gon,” she says. She leans over and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Just give yourself time. You’re allowed time to heal.”

 

**-o0o-**

 

Gon and Jax are different now then they were at four years old, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still the same being. They’ve grown and changed and learned, but they’re still Gon and Jax.

And that more than anything gives Gon hope. Even if he never sees Killua again, he still has his dæmon and their shared memories of the boy and his cheetah-Settled dæmon who they both love with their whole heart.

 

**-o0o-**

 

“Do you think they’ll ever come back?” Jax wonders aloud, voice small as they sit on the front stoop together. The sky is painted a rainbow of colors as the sun dips to meet the sea. It’s breathtaking, just like every sunset at Whale Island.

But Gon can’t lie, not to Jax. So he answers him honestly, “I’m not sure. It’s a big world out there to explore, and they’ve already been to Whale Island…”

Jax’s crippling disappointment is a sharp knife to Gon’s heart, and he tightens his hand in Jax’s fur.

 _“But,”_ he continues firmly. “That doesn’t mean that _we_ can’t go to _them.”_

Jax instantly perks up, twisting around from the dirt path to look at Gon with hopeful eyes.

 _‘Do you really mean that?’_ Jax’s voice rings out inside Gon’s head. His excited anticipation is almost strong enough to match Gon’s.

Gon leans forward to press his forehead to the top of Jax’s skull. _‘I pinky promise.’_

The elation he feels from Jax in response is the best he’s felt from Jax in a long, long time. That feeling is only heightened when Jax’s ears pick up the sound of footsteps not too far off.

“The mailman is here!” he cries out loud and leaps off the stoop. Gon is only a step beind as they both tear down the road leading up to Aunt Mito’s home.

The arrival of the mailman and his dog dæmon means letters from Killua and Ariney. It’s the best part of the week, the moment he and Jax spend all day waiting for—for a small piece of their best friends they can call their own.

And Gon hopes that somewhere far, far away, Killua and Ariney long for the same thing. The next time he sees them, he’ll make sure to ask.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure if I was ever going to continue this series, but here we are! The first daemon au fic I wrote can be read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7800820). But I hope you enjoyed this story, even if it is a little sad. If you have any questions about the daemons or their shapes please feel free to send me an ask on tumblr~
> 
> ([Here's my dæmon au tag](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/tagged/daemon-au) on my tumblr if anyone would like to know more about this daemon au!  
> And here's [my twitter](https://twitter.com/decembercamie))
> 
> -
> 
> Gon Freecss — (m) Jax (full name Jaxtor). Settled as a wolverine when when they see Kite’s manipulated body without Kite’s dæmon.
> 
> Mito Freecss — (m) Ravi. Settled as a rooster.
> 
> Killua Zoldyck — (f) Ariney (formerly Ariadney). Settled as a spotted cheetah when Killua pulls out Illumi’s Needle, has lighter fur than average cheetah due to Godspeed.
> 
> Kite — (f) Evacsa. Settled as an anhinga, but Kite looses his dæmon after becoming an Ant.
> 
> Ging Freecss — (f) Katyin. Settled as a slender mongoose.


End file.
